Sooooo....About that whole clear heels thing.....

I'm not gonna lie, it's been fun, hell more than fun, I've learned so much about my self and others than I would have doing something else. But the univeris has spoken. Strippering isn't what I'm suppose to doing right now I've learned what I needed from this and it's time to move on.

Don't get me wrong in my typical last to leave the party two hours too late I went kicking and screaming. "No! NOOO!! I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP!!!" It's not something that I'm proud of, taking the easy way out. But that's what I did for the past five years or so. Not relying on my talents or my creativity. It's really no wonder I've failed so brilliently.

That's me Burning out rather than fading away. Even as my manager was sitting me down and talking with me he was asking if I wanted him to call other clubs to get me a job there. Let's just say it was the oddest me-getting-fired talk ever. Who offers you another job when they're firing you?

I was getting pretty bad there for a minute. I'm not the type who hides how I'm feeling and you don't have to be a mind reader to see how I'm feeling. I swear when I'm in a bad mood I can make plants die as I walk by them. And I was just so over it and I was already looking for a new job working in a salon.

That's right, time to grow up and go to work every day. And do some hair.

Really?? Monday??? I mean freaking MONDAY??!!!

So my lover, and I use the word lover because the semantics of our thing. It's sooooo undefined so the word "boyfriend" is a big he ever no-no topic. And strange thing is it's not off topic via him, it's via me. I was at first coming out of my skin to have the are-we-an-us-yet? convo, as it turns out I turn anything the seems like it would be a relationship convo into talk of batman, obama, or my fav, comic book vs movie.

So Lover is leaving tonight for a wedding where he and his friend Batty (I have no clue if that's her real name, doubt it) designed the wedding dress. So in true gothic fashion ie: not having very many friends of their own, they fly both Batty and Lover to said wedding. the problem with that is that I've gotten use to seeing and knowing him.....in the biblical sense that is. It's wednesday now and I'm not going to see him until you guessed it, monday.

Fucking monday? Damn it. really? Okay and another other thing that's driving me up the wall, his going to a wedding....I know not WITH another girl. But really with Batty. and call me old fashion but I'm just gonna say it, you take the person you are fucking or going to be fucking to a wedding....or in Lover's case co-designer of the Brides dress whom has a boyfriend.....and I'm just being a crazy girl really.

Making a movie!

So I'm in a film class and I get to make three 5 min films. One black and white silent, one color with music and one color with full sound. The people in my group are rad but I'm really hoping that they don't let me do what I tend to do which is unintentional run over people and there ideas. I really am trying not do that. It's just that I have a type "A" personality. I am the leader of Alfa wolf bitch squadern! I love and hate that about me.

Another thing is the teacher doesn't share my opinion on the slice of life film. He's more a everyone either dies or gets married there's no inbetween. So I really have to work on the disney ending thing. But otherwise I am sooooo exicited about my classes really . to make movies.....I mean to make movies it's just going to bring a level to what art I can bring to people...

I can't wait to start.

Pencils, books and fellow strip club employees dirty looks

A great man once say: "Haters are every damn where! EVER DAMN WHERE! You feel me? Some of the people that are closest to you are haters and every damn time you be doing something with your life they've got some shit to say. Fuck haters! You feel me?" Mr. Kat Williams I tip my hat to you. For there are no truer word of wisdom when you work in a titty bar and it always does come with from the most unexpected places.

Lets start at the beginning shall we? I'm going back to school and granded I'm a little late in the game at 26 with not so much of a point of Gen Ed under my belt I've really got to get cracking with this. So my GM of the bar that I work at who is normally very nice to me desides for what ever reason to start up a converstion with me that went something like this:

"Hey Lilly, so what's with you why don't you work more." Which is kinda their job to keep us in there seeings how it's illegal for them to tells us when to work. Please other strippers keep that in your back pocket for later uses.

"Well I just come in to pay the bills there's nothing else that's worth coming in here for."

"Oh so you have like a sugar daddy or second job or something?" I really liked how he asked if I had a sugar daddy before a second job, that's my favorite!

"Uh no...."

And I also like being interuped that's always nice aswell. "So you're just happy with that just floating, uh?"

"Floating? What the hell am I homeless?" I really didn't know where the hell he was going with this.

"You know not really doing anything with your life"

"I'm going to school." I narrowed my eyes thinking he'd back off.

"Well how many classes are you taking?"

I feel as if there should be a lamp in my face and people yelling at me in a foreign launguages "Two, I'm starting off slow."

"Do you think that's enough?" the creepy thing about my GM is that I'm pretty sure he has no soul there not even a hint of emotion in the mans eyes, I'm very rearly unnerved by things like that cuz I work with a lot of people that are dead on the inside but I've never even seen this amount of lifelessness in some eyes that's still breathing.

"Uhmm yeah I'm fine with it and hey who's your basis of compersion? It's not like we're suround by go getters in here." I was please with myself until he started in on me not having a car and all the crazy would if's situations such as: lost a leg, death in the family, attacked by angry bees, sold in to sexaul slavary ect...

It went on for quite some time, and I'm not gonna lie I was pretty pissed about the whole thing, until I realized... he was a bouncer last year, and is 15 years older than me if not older and works in the same place as me works 40 hours weeks and I make almost the same amount of money that he does. WHAT A FUCKING HATER!!!!

But Wednesday is the day for pencils and books and I could give a fuck about haters looks.

OXOX
Lilly

New fun out fit!

okay so I was playing on this new site it's called Polyvore.com and you can put togther your own out sheets! uhmmm it's like the funnest thing in the whole world!

You put your right foot in.....

So there's really a part of a relationship that I think everyone hates, well at lest I do and I'm known for projecting so bear with me. It's the part of the relationship that I like to call the Relationship Hookey-Pookey. That part of the relationship were it's all new and you really don't have any clue as to how to introduce the other person.

"Oh hi Bob! It's good to see you, this is my.....uhg.....my....My good friend Bingo! Yeah that's it good friend."

When you both know damn well that you don't do the no pants dance with "good friends". Well, at least I don't. It's retarted! And it's not really like it's high school it really shouldn't matter. But for something that really shouldn't matter do to the fact that I'm a "grown-up" my feelings and the feelings of others have been trappled on more than once of the splitting of hairs that people seem to do.

When does hanging out become seeing someone? And when does seeing someone become dating? And when the hell did all this labling become so important to some people?

It's like this some people think it's okay to be seeing more than one person at once, fine. Dating is seeing if it's not your boyfriend?

It's all so confusing!!! and then another wrench in the works you have those crazy people that seem to be just fine with open relationships. How does that even come up? I'd really like to know how to spot one of those in a crowd and avoid them like the black death.

But when does someone become yours? I know that's an aweful way to put it, but hey I'm willing to be someones. It doesn't make it any less childish, it just makes it what I want. Oh, and I thought there would be a parade when I figured out what I wanted. Oh, well.

Alaska.....It's a thought.

So I was watching that show "Tougher in Alaska". I it's funny the only thing that keept on running through my little brain is that there is something crazy up there like a 10 to 1 ratio. Ten dudes to every one chick. And I heard from very early in my stripping "career" that the money was so good out there that they'd fly girls up for a mouth or to and the girls would come back with crazy figures such as 10,000- 20,000. This was from a some one whom was a costume maker and had been in and around the business for years and years. And she wasn't known to be stupid or fall in to idol gossip. And if I remember correctly SHE actually flew up there to sell costumes to the girls. (She had the market cornered on that I'm sure)

So I guess what I'm asking is should I take a stripper vaca to Alaska?