My fav song sets.

So girls dancing around to "Girls girls girls" and tool are fucking making me sick. No bitch you're not hard core cuz you dance to the Deftones. Along with neon bikinis I think a lot of the music needs to go. Not I want to do dirty things to Trent Reznor as much as the next grown up goth girl, however if I have to hear "Closer" one more fucking time I'm gonna choke someone with their own triangle top. Or the fucking Pussy Cat Dolls....no bitch I don't!


Set #1
The Knux- Cappuccino
The Knux- Hard days night

Set #2
Metric- Dead disco
Metric- Poster of a girl

Set#3
Shinny Toy Guns- You are the one
Shinny Toy Guns- Photograph

Set#4
Goldfrapp- Strict machine
Goldfrapp- Beautiful

Set# 5
Esthero ft. Andre 3000- Jungle book
Esthero- Bad Boy Clyde

Set#6
The Pierces- Lights on
Fiest- One evening

Set#7
The ting ting tings- Shut up and let me go
The ting ting tings- Great DJ

Set#8
Kate Nash- Pumpkin soup
Ana Serrano van der Laan-Paradise

Set#9
Nouvelle Vague- Dancing With Myself
Billie Holiday- Comes Love

Set# 10
Death from above 1979- Romantic rights
Death from above 1979- Sexy results

That's the ones that have been in heavy rotation for a weeks.

Quote of the Day!

But seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.

Waiter Rant, Waiter Rant weblog

Family fun at a funeral.

So I walked into my house today for the first time in about three days. I know that doesn't seem like a long time but when you have the family that I have I might as well been lost in the jungle for six months. That's what I felt and smelled like. My family always makes fun of me for being a bit of a towny, city folk if you will. Well I just like those crazy city convences like I don't know running non-well hot water and not being looked at and having said to me "Oh, honey you're really not wearing that are you?"

Yes I must be crazy. Well water for those of you that have yet to expirence this lovely adventure an country living, taking a bath in well water with the water heater the size of crock pot is not only freezing it also smells like a dog, so you end up smelling like cold wet puppy. Wooray.

My family's demamics are odd to say the least the frether away on the family tree you are from me the more likely you are to be a rational human being. The closer the more likely you are to have a drug problem, lair, bitch, Dead beet, ect. you get the point. There was a couple of kids of my own generation that didn't even hug me or say hi. I few even shuffled their children away trying to choke back a "Don't look her directly in the eyes!" There was the saving grace of two twice removed cousins that are awesome and an open bar. I was very proud of my self cuz I didn't do the normal get drunk really quick thing that I normally do when I feel uncomfortable, instead it was a steady flow of liquor just enough to keep me good and numb.

So later on in the day it's time to pass around the mic. Only one of his children got up to speak, another one of his friends rambled on bless him about a story that was very near and dear to him about my grandfather, a bit too long, again bless him. Then my brother got up there and I couldn't get over the fact that all he said was "I love my grandfather, he was my John Wayne." And just as I'm getting up to speak, I have the perfect thing to say, a quote to use, a story a very short story, and then My uncle gets up almost racing me to the mic and gives the final farwell. I felt as if any minute they were going to get hook and pull me off the non existent stage. I just sat back down. It was most likely for the best I hate showing emotion in public but isn't the point of these gatherings to share your sorrow together and morn?

On top of all these shinaigins much to my own mortification my mother is running around telling everyone that I might be moving home...... Okay the biggest slight to ones pride is to have to move home. I have many a couch to sleep on before that's even in the picture. And this mad woman whom give birth to me is saying this like it's the best thing ever. I love the fact that she wants me around however we can't be in the same car with out it turning into a catty battle royal. She'll mention that my hair is yet another color and I'll mention that she needs to eat some where other than a chain restaurant, and then down hill from there until she makes me want to walk home.

Oh well I'm just glad to be back where I have a large water heater and a coffee shop. Oh yes and the internets.

Goodbye neon.

I have made an executive decision that neon bikini's are out. I need something a bit more to feel seductive and since I'm obsessed with Ployvore.com I figured I'd show rather than tell.
Strippers in to step it up a bit. out with just the two piece bikinis neon prints and spray tans. We need to be girly and feminine again, when did sport spice take over stripper gear? I say nay! I want to see Barbrella hair with lace and ruffles! Feux fur and glitter!

I'm bringing back glam not single handedly I think Dita Von Teese has got that covered what with single handedly bringing back burlesque. But I'm saying in my own person life.



Lets go to Bed by Lilly Holiday

I just want to wear things that make me forget that my life sucks sometimes and make my life even better when it's good.

Very very good by the looks of things

This is what I'm going to post in the dressing room at work.

Dear Class-less Cunt that stole my money,
We work in a place where we have the ability to make a shit ton of money, if you smile sweet enough to the right person and a lot of us are quite gifted in this. I am sad to report that I'm not really one of them. I suck at being a stripper, I'm no good at it I tell you, so I shouldn't need to tell to you that I don't make a lot of money. So the 150 bucks you stole from me. That was a big fucking deal. Why? Did you need money that bad? Single mother I hope? Well I don't give a fuck and I hope you and your baby have to sleep on rocks you dirty fucking thriving cunt.
I'm not expecting tearful remose I'm smart enough to know that I'm not getting to for you, like every other villian you wake up in the morning thinking of your self as right and just. Well you're not you're a peice of lying trash. You'll most likily smile to my face knowing full and well that it's my money now sittting in your gas tank and icebox, flithy cum cunt. I'll make more money, this is a menor set back, yes, not that big of a deal. But it's something that DIDN'T NEED TO HAPPEN AT ALL!!!! I've always had this way of looking at other dancers as a sister hood of down trotten girls that are using what ever wiles they posesse to make money to better what ever biazzar situation they seem to find themselves in. Why soil that? Look at the girl next to you. That is another human with a story just like yours, how dare you put your self above her or me. Why? How that fuck do people like you live? How do you look at yourself and think "I'm rad. I'm a good person that does good things. I totally deserve to be alive on this planet."?
Were you doing it out of spite? Knocking off of my high horse that I don't fucking have. I'm small potatos. I'm fucking gold fish in a koi pond. Was this to teach me that dancers are the evil things that we are in movies, tv, books and men's minds? Nay! You will not ruin my Ya-Ya feeling towards every other girl in this place.
I just wanted to get this out, I'm not making any threats, I'm going to waste my time trying to find you. Nay your punishment is simply being you and realizing that you're from underneith a diry scuzy compost pile and never being half the human being that me and most of these other girls are. I need you to know that your trash and I hope you know what a destructive person you are and I have a hope that you work on bettering yourself, doubtful how ever this coming from the girl that thinks at everyones core there is boundless amounts of good and the want to do right, that and I want to live in disenyland so as you can see I must be disconnected in someway.
I haven't been using the word cunt quite enough in your direction, cunt. Nay Thunder-Cunt. This letter is a bit like Dracula throwing a stick of dinomite in a kids tree fort. It's fucking Dracula, wasting his time throwing dinomite. He could being doing other shit I mean....it's fucking Dracula! But Dracula's so pissed he's throwing some fucking dinomite around. Ahhhhhh.....cunt. That's how pissed you've made me. I want to throw dinomite around....Dear Goddess I want you and your loved ones to be attacked by evil geese and all manner birds, you cunt trash pie. I want a squirel with all kinds of desies to go striaght for the fucking thoat. That'd be good. No I have it! I want you to have the best night of your dancing career how ever much that maybe then I want some to jack you for it. So all the things that you thought buy and bills you thought you'd pay, nope. Ha! Sounds zero fun uh? Yeah cuz it is zero fucking fun.
Love Lilly.

So much for fall fashion....

So it's the middle of nov. and it's still hotter than two midgets having sex in a sock. I'm pretty pissed about it. I love fall fashions love them! And this seasons is so adorable! the tights the vinage stuff that just waiting for a chilly day. Scarfs! oh the scarfs! And soup damn it I wanna have some soup without sweating over it.
Baking I fucking want to bake some damn pumpkin bread is that really too much to ask? I'm trying not to be pissed about the weather, I mean I got to lay out today and work on my tan. So I just have to trick myself in to thinking it's still summer time.

But romantic fall is a callin'! It's the time to wear all the cute layers of stuff. Like this

romantic fall by Lilly Holiday

OH Lover.

what is it like to cast someone out of your life? To see someone as an entirely disposeable object. Audie Humpburn once said "People more than things need to rebuilt, restored and reclaimed. Never throw out anyone." but is that true of toxic people and like all villians do they wake up thinking that they are in the right? I've been feeling lately like such a dispossable person. Noone needs me in there life. I have a lot of great friends that want me there. But friends sometimes can not heal the string of a romance turned sour and ugly.

Lover brought up my family as a red flag, something he said that I could never understand because I've never been hated for the simple color of my skin. Something that I've gotten almost arrested for assult because someone called my friend a nigger. Something that I couldn't understand because I have a white family, oh wait I've lived with and consider my best friends family more family than my own. But my prick fathers whom is in prison and isn't even apart of my life that's the red flag, that's part of what makes me dispossable.

Also the fact that I'm a dancer, something he knew not just when he met but before he met me. Something that not just one of his ex's is or was but practically ALL of his ex's are. What is it that makes me so easily discarded? What is it that makes it so easy for people to kick me when I'm down? So easy to let go.

I'm unquine, and most people that are leave a void where ever they've left. I have no idea if that is true of myself or not. I wonder if it's just the nature of men in general to pretent that they're no cracks and peaces missing from thier lives or from themselves. I'd like to think that but I've seen no evadence to the contairy. I'd love to think that I've left some kind of mark on them, I'd settle for a skarch where they've left a big bleeding wound in my fucking chest.

I have to remind myself that, this is what happened when you open yourself up, the sweets seem to come in with the sours and the latter seems to be in abundance.


the song that I'm listening to.
(Jeff Buckley: Last goodbye)

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die.
But it's over
Just hear this and then I'll go:
You gave me more to live for,
More than you'll ever know.

Well, this is our last embrace,
Must I dream and always see your face?
Why can't we overcome this wall?
Baby, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all.

Kiss me, please kiss me,
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation.
Oh, you know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.

Did you say, "No, this can't happen to me"?
And did you rush to the phone to call?
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,
"Maybe, you didn't know him at all,
you didn't know him at all,
oh, you didn't know"?

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime,
Burning clues into this heart of mine.
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes, and the memories
Offer signs that it's over, it's over.

Halloween

So I spent halloween up in LA in the west hollywood area and I must say the best part about that was all the drag queens dressed up as Sarah Paline. My Hat is tipped to them as it is to my friend Haily for dressing up like a ODed Hooters girl, and when anyone asked her what she was she'd reply "The saddest thing in the world." LOL! ahhhh that's why we're friends.

Painting's I've been working on

this one's called under glass.
This one is called Ritual. If that's not the goddess speaking through art I have no idea what is.

This one's called "We all wear them..."
This Little Lovely is called "Melancholy Melody"
"Plugged In"
"Chesire Kitty"
And my all time favorite "Catwoman"